#i do my chores i go to work
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#i miss art man fuck#i wish i knew a way to like. fast forward this mental dip bc its hell#i just keep seeing time go by and realize another day has passed and I've done nothing with myself.#no art. no writing. i don't do anything expect lay here and waste away#like yeah i do adulting stuff#i do my chores i go to work#but thats kinda it?#even when i hang out with people its just. rotting in a different location.#i miss the stuff that i adore doing#i miss having the attention span to sit and enjoy a game or show#i miss sitting down and drawing for hours or staying up writing#i think about it constantly#but that wall is so firmly up that i never DO it#and everyone in my life just keeps telling me 'just do it!' as a solution#i cant stand it#the longer it goes on the more i feel like a failure. or like i only exist to help other people#there is no 'me'. just a person people can rely on#i have no ability to be me anymore and it sucks#vent
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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Harry squeezes a local Club manager to let them have a swim in the fancy ass pool in return for keeping a drugging/poisoning case quiet
#Ive been really productive the last few days but i go back to work so thats gonna change#Maybe this isnt universal but the most easygoing and eager to skinnydippers ive met are trans guys haha#And i like the thought of kim being so tightened til theres relative privacy and also a body of water OUT OF THE WAY#Hes really disapproving of harry doing this until it works! Then hes excited. so they come back in the wee hours to 'interview a late night#They have to be hush about it bc they dont want anyone else tagging along#God when im bored for multiple days instead of doing chores my brains starts writting fic i guess.
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TADA! Fanart for @pillowspace's Celestial Sundown fic!! I'm super duper happy with this-- as I ought to be, with the time it took 😤hehehe!
Leave it to Pillow to pull me back into sun & moon with their phenomenal work! C: It's right up my alley and I look forward to seeing what happens!
#my art#SUPER PROUD OF THIS ACTUALLY#HOPE YOU LIKE IT PILLOW#gift art#fanart#digital art#daycare attendant#sundrop#celestial sundown au#BIG FAN#GIVES SUN A BIIIIIIIIIIG MWAH AH <3#rubs my back#i gotta go get my LAUNDRY. AND FOLD IT. AND PREP MY LUNCH FOR THE WEEK#AND LAYING OUT ALL OF MY OUTFITS FOR WORK. FUCK!!#AUUGHHH#making him do all of my chores for me
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Married your honor.
Damn, what a picky bastard, seriously.
백공죽 Expanded Version.
#백설공주에게 죽음을#black out#This is the look my mom gives my dad when he offers to help with housework but ends up making it a bigger chore.#NSCs “where are you going I washed it already” face is so cute I wanna 🤏him my guy is actually confused there#JW lets out a dramatic sigh *I'm so gonna divorce him* and starts scrubbing the dishes furiously#I told you all the unpacking and cleaning up was JWs work#My man NSC is incapable of doing homework 😫#JW this clean freak was made to eat the food from the prison floor 💔#the disbelief and annoyance on JWs face is killing me
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you have my soul, you have my heart ♡
#LUCY#Band LUCY#Shin Yechan#Choi Sangyeop#Cho Wonsang#Jo Wonsang#Shin Gwangil#LUCY fanart#take 2 because i'm a distaster and posted this on the wrong blog haha#still figuring how out to tag these lol#kitkatart#i did it!! it's finally done!! on time!!!#well maybe not on time but in time lol#2022 encore concert live clip of flare my love#flare really is one of my absolute favorite songs#no matter how many times i hear it i fall in love with it every time#but this version in particular is so magical :)#i was thinking i might make a few freebies of the individual member versions for the vancouver show#do you think people would like that? i've never made freebies before so i'm not sure!#i think i'd be too shy to post about it and then hand them out but we'll see haha#okay back to chores and concert prepping again#i cannot believe i'm going to two lucy concerts and then have a work conference like two days after#i was only going to go to one concert but was convinced to go to a second at the last minute. to be fair it didn't take much convincing#this really did take forever but part of that is probably bc i haven't drawn anything real in like more than a year#also was i testing the procreate layer limit or was the procreate layer limit testing me lol#okay i'm done now i'll stop yapping :D#i hope you're all doing well!!#UPDATE: i did pass these out as freebies and also i got to give these to the lucys AHHH#I will never be over seeing them live and getting to meet them oh my gosh#they were soooo amazing and so so so sweet 🥺 other walwals at the concerts were also so nice!!
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Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today
#im studying myself like a bug. with no judgement or compulsive self hate when i see the results. and then doing something different based on#those results#and its working#ive noticed that im much more productive when i have someone else to help or listen to. its a little uh sad because im not easily able to#to take care of myself and do things for MYSELF. but if its for someone else then its like i gain momentum#going out to clean out MY car? well i dont care how gross it is im not worth the effort.#cleaning out my car for my brother who i drive to therapy every other week? fuck yes its going to be nice and clean because therapy is impo#rtant and i want to help you stick with it and so we make it not a chore but lighthearted sibling time#like do you get it#anyway slow progress is still progress#the number of good days are slowly catching up to the number of bad days#post beginning of the pandemic 2020 was so brutal on me. moving back in with my parents especially#but i have a plan now . a real one. and friends to help me as well !#oops rambling in the tags haha#long tags
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maizuru and milsiril are my favorite fucked up dungeon meshi mother figures
#dungeon meshi#maizuru#milsiril#my post#both were involved in some kind of highly skilled group (espionage/ninja work and the canaries)#maizuru and milsiril both have some aspect that makes their relationship with their sort of son innately complicated.\#maizuru has been having and affair and milsiril has biases towards short lived races#both dote heavily on them but milsiril does it more clearly in an overprotective way#their sons have complicated emotions towards them. and they’re right for that#lets see… toshiro always eats the food maizuru makes due to the love in its preparation. he doesn’t seem to have a relationship with his mok#*mom#so he was very close to maizuru#but after finding out she and his dad was having an affair he closed off from her. maizuru still heavily dotes on him however#maizuru also invented a spell to scare his child self into returning to her#and trained ninja techniques into him (I believe?)#and milsiril (though she did train him) didn’t like the idea of kabru going into dangerous dungeons#she ended up coddling him in that regard. he doesn’t know how to do household chores (but I doubt toshiro knows either LMAO)#(he probably has servants or maizuru who do it for him)#but in fighting specifically:#milsiril also trained kabru in sword fighting but unlike maizuru’s training it’s not very useful in the dungeon#now back to food:#unlike maizuru’s food the elven foods milsiril gave kabru weren’t as well received#that has to do with the different culture he’s from though#he thinks of his birth mom’s food more and had a stringer relationship with her#*stronger#despite some issues kabru says that he’s grateful for her as his foster mom (iirc)#I imagine toshiro’s probably the same way even if he wouldn’t admit it (BECAUSE MAIZURU IS FUCKING HIS DAD???)#toshiro doesn’t feel close to any of his family so his biggest connections as a kid probably would’ve been maizuru and hien.#kabru has milsiril and rin and all anyone could ever want but would never want to return to#anyways. end of essay. tldr: milfs are messy
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i support Yoo Joonghyuk Wrongs because i'd be so pissed if i was severely suicidal and some asshole convinced me to Give Life A Chance and gave me hope and then fucked off for three years letting me think he was dead??? leaving me to watch all of our friends do stupidly risky shit like the stuff i used to do before he made me Care about my and their lives?? NOT warning me and NOT telling me what he was doing like okay fuck that guy actually!!!!
#oh okay we're life and death companions?? CAN YOU ACTUALLY LIVE FOR A CHANGE THEN???????#i'm living i chose to live because of YOU BY THE WAY so if we're supposed to be life or death companions you have to live too!#that's how it works! you fucking dingus jerkwad bastard asshole!!!!!#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#yjh#kdj#my posts#love kim dokja. also hate him on behalf of every single character.#the way he comes back and his biffles 1) lock him up 2) sedate him 3) try to get the right of life or death over him so as to forcibly#remove his ability to sacrifice himself all the goddamn time 4) get arrested with him so he won't be alone in the underworld 😂🤣😭#just picturing all of them working out a chore list in the industrial complex but it's just shifts of#Sitting On Dokja-Ssi's Chest So He Can't Go Anywhere Or Do Anything#usually when there's a character who doesn't realize how adored they are i'm dragging my fingers down my face like#rapunzel the lanterns are for you!!!#but with this guy specifically i just want to hold him down and shriek directly into his earholes.
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compilation of my other fav palette challenges from the years past... i should do them again sometime......
chara #9 belongs to @askbookwormflareon
#granted theres a glaring issue in one of them#i am not pointing it out lest you end up noticing it when you wouldnt normally~#my art#art q#digital painting#oc#mew#pokemon#purrloin#also i put in my request for availability change#apparently they can reject it...#i just cited second job as reason as to why i need mondays off now#my manager is gonna be super pissed tho cuz they always get mad at everyone who changes their availability#but like i mentally cant keep up with the randomised schedule#esp when i could find out the day before my day off that its my only day i can do comms#i dont have enough time to work my schedule for that w chores and having to go buy food or cat food etc etc#it will come into effect start of next month if they accept it#if they dont then ill just keep resubmitting until they write me upfor it lol idk#i was even nice and specifically asked other higher up staff what the best day to ask off was so it didnt hurt them too bad#but i ranted in stream the other day how like im not responsible for if the store gets fucked just cuz i took one day off my schedule yanno#its not my job to keep that from happening#also im part time and if i was full time id still have 2 guaranteed days off so like ??? idk#scared abt getting the cold shoulder and whatnot the next few weeks from the manager tho#also i stayed up till 4am by accident#and got up at 8am anyways#wish my ass luck
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it's not that i think i shouldn't have to work it's just that i want more time in the day for me to do other shit
#like unless i wanna lose sleep my current schedule offers me like 4 hours of free time#and that's just part time. if i went to full time then i would have like maybe 1#i need days to be longer so i can have more time to myself#that or my family has to finish watching ds9 so i can stop watching shows with them as much#idk i just feel like the only time i have to do anything hobby related is late at night when i should be in bed#and that makes me unhappy#not to mention if i wanna do any chores or important life stuff those also take up my free time#leaving me with even less#ugh whatever i gotta go to work now. you get the idea
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I was chilling, and now, alas! I am not.
#Brought to you by my stress that my mother is parenting my younger siblings poorly#She’s not keeping her emotions out of it in a healthy manner#And thus she’s attempting to rule teenagers via fear and guilt/shame#When they don’t respond immediately to reason#And I’m like. Ma’am.#If your 24 year old daughter won’t fold her laundry to this day#How do you think this method is going to work out for your 13 year old daughter when she grows up?#I observe that with lots of chores her method has merely instilled guilty avoidance on the part of my siblings#(And to a lesser extent myself as well)#Because guess what!#associating cleaning with guilt for not doing it#AND more guilt during the process#AND further guilting for not doing it sooner once it’s actually been done—#None of that has created a consistent cleaning ethic in any of her children!!#There is no love for tidiness#Only guilt and apathetic despair at its absence#With complete aversion for the work of tidying based on years of shaming#I’ve had to do so much relearning in how I think about and practice tidiness#And most of it’s come from advice on here actually#anyway#pray for my family please#Thanks
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i lost this round....
#sometimes things get lost. like I've turned this place upside down 50 times and it hasn't turned up lost.#and when that happens my entire life becomes 'find that thing' even if there are no immediate consequences. it still feels like a huge deal#if it costs more than $20 to replace then my entire life implodes until i find it or completely wreck myself looking for it#BUT NOT TODAY!! today i didn't look for the thing AND i spent a lot of time drawing this instead of working#he. was right. DANGIT I HATE THIS BUT HE WAS RIGHT THIS IS THE SUPERIOR WAY#hopefully one day i will find that thing. and soon i will finish my chores but i won't go crazy and do a move out level clean#like i was planning to today
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whenever people asked how i liked my 4-(ten hour)-day work week, i would always say i truly couldn't decide which was better because the 3 day weekends are really nice but ten hour days suck so so much, but i've been working 5 normal days starting at 9 for a few weeks to cover for my coworker's leave and. maybe this is it. my ideal schedule.
#i've never had a job that started at 9#before we changed our hours i had worked 8 to 4:30 so i was using that as my comparison#but the thing is i truly need so much sleep#i thought it would suck to still get home at 6#but i only need one more hour of sleep. which leaves me two more hours in the morning for minor chores and meal prep#which i used to have to do ALL after work after a TEN hour day#but like i'll have to cook tonight. but everything is chopped and ready to toss in a pan#going back to ten hours is starting to feel a little nightmarish#but i might have to for the rest of the year at least because of how holiday time was calculated#but maybe next year......hmmm#sorry for random personal post idk where to ramble
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im gonna be honest writing is so draining at this point and i don’t even enjoy it anymore
#i don’t know if people like what i do#it’s not even worth posting if i know i’m going to get absolute radio silence on all of my posts#it’s like i don’t want to leave this blog hanging but writing is such a chore#i cant enjoy it if i know i’m not going to get any feedback for the things i write#it just feels like throwing a note out into the darkness and not being sure you’ll ever get a response#anyways give me like a month or two and i might post another request this shits wack atp#i don’t care about likes or reblogs or whatever#just knowing people like what i do is enough#BUT I DONT KNOW#im absolutely in the dark here and i feel like i can’t work with any of the requests i have
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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